Update

So Corey and I went to see our reproductive specialist Dr. Hatasaka today. We really like him! We have heard he has had great success! So we decided on a plan for us to start. Corey and I decided with the suggestion of Dr. Hatasaka to take a few months off the clomid. He says this will be good, and may help us. Doing this we have decided to take a break from trying to have a baby for these two months. I think we just need some time to breathe. This process is so emotionally draining that I really feel this will be good for us, and for our marriage. Sometimes you just have to step back and focus on other important things. Over these next few months I am going to work on strengthening my Faith, my marriage and my relationship with my Heavenly Father. We know we could have a long emotional road ahead of us, but I am so grateful to be taking this journey with my husband. Who is the love of my life and my best friend. This journey has only made us stronger, and I am so grateful to have him by my side through this.

Being Grateful

So going through this trial, I think I have lost sight of the the little things. The little things I need to be grateful for. I have a wonderful husband, who will do anything and everything for me. Whether its a midnight Ibprofen run, or something as simple as calling and texting me each day to say I love you. No matter what he is always there for me. I have an amazing family and wonderful friends. My sister told me the other day that my little niece Molly, wants to go to the animal place (zoo) with her Aunt Amie for her birthday. We went when they came up here last month, and apparently it made a huge impression on her. She told her her mom she had such a fun time with her Aunt Amie. How could that not make my heart melt. I also have the cutest little dog! Sometimes you lose track of these things, and worry about what you don't have. When really I look at my life, and God has blessed me with so much! I should be grateful for that, and when the time is right we will have the children we were promised.

Faith

So first of all I want to thank my amazing friends, husband, and family for always being there to support me. I really appreciate those who have listened to me shed tears, have offered their shoulder to cry on, and who have always given me strength. I couldn't get through this with out you. I feel so blessed and grateful to have all of you in my life. I love you all! I am doing a little better since my last post, sorry if it worried any of you. I am still emotional , and my heart still aches. I have been praying and reading my scriptures tonight and I am starting to realize why I am on this journey. I believe this is a journey to test my Faith. I think God wants to know if I trust him enough to have Faith in him. Do I have the Faith that Nephi or all the others in the Book of Mormon had to have? If not I know that is the kind of Faith I need to have to get through this. Heavenly Father gives us these trials to strengthen us. Maybe just maybe he has given me this trial to strengthen my Faith in him.

Good Days and Bad Days

I am going to warn you now that I have good days and bad days. Unfortunately today is one of those bad days. My bad days consist of feeling like my heart is breaking. I find myself crying for no reason. As the tears slip down my cheek, I send a cry to Heaven saying when? When will it be my turn? When will this deep heart ache ever stop? The longing for a child is like an ache you have never felt before. A dream that seems out of reach, and a promise that seems forgotten. Sometimes I feel like I have cried every tear imaginable. Sometimes I just want to scream. I don't like having these days, but they do come. I know Heavenly Father is always here for me, but on these bad days it can be forgotten. I am having a bad day today, but hopefully tomorrow will be one of the good ones. Hopefully the tears will stop, and I will remember it's in his hands.

Just a Thought

So I am sitting her with my puppy, thinking is this ache ever going to get easier? What can I do to make it a little easier to get through each day? The answer is be grateful for what I do have right now, and not to worry about what I don't have.
This of course is easier said then done.
Each day can be a struggle, but remembering that God has a hand in this can definitely take some of the pain away. It helps you really understand that God is always here for you. Even though sometimes it seems he has left your side and is not listening, its not true. God works in mysterious ways. Maybe if I stop worrying about why not and can understand why, it will make the purpose of this trial alot clearer. Maybe the timing is off or maybe something still needs to be learned. All I can do is have Faith that Heavenly Father knows what is best for me, and trust that whatever it is it's for my own good right now.