Thursday, July 7, 2016
A New Journey
Corey and I went to the fertility doctor's office last Friday. I had already told myself that no matter what the outcome was, it was in God's hands and I needed to have Faith. As I took a deep breath I looked at the scripture my doctor has on his wall, and I knew that our baby whenever it comes would be an absolute miracle. As the doctor started to let us know that my right tube is unable to work and the only way we could get pregnant was through IVF, I kept remembering that voice asking me if I trusted him. I started to have a peaceful feeling that everything would bebok, and to trust him. I knew in that second that my Heavenly Father was there, reminding me to have Faith.
Then the doctor mentioned a study for IVF they were doing the medicine and everything was included and covered. Could this be an answer to all our many prayers? My heart skipped a beat until he let me know that I qualified for everything except the weight.
That is never fun to hear, but then I found myself telling my doctor that I would get down to the weight needed. I will do anything for a baby. He gave me a meal plan of 6 meals 200 calories each and gave me a sort of deadline. He also gave me an appetite suppressant that is supposed to take away my hunger and give me energy. With PCOS unfortunately it is hard for us to lose wait, so I am also on pills to regulate my body. Since I have started this diet I have been able to take those pills, which is a huge blessing. Usually they make me so sick. This is another reason why I know this journey is being led by Heavenly Father.
So here we go on another journey. Yet I honestly feel that this is more of a hopeful journey. I know nothing is guaranteed in life, but I also know that some things are meant to happen in your life. Will it be hard, of course it will. I am on day 3 of this diet and honestly it's not always easy, but in the end it will be worth it no matter what. My two motivations in this are qualifying for the study and being healthy. I pray every day that Heavenly Father will help me through this. I know that this will only make me better and also strengthen my Faith even more.
As I look back on this journey I see God"s hand in everything. Of course questions arise as to why didn't they find out my tube didn't work earlier? Maybe the reason is I needed to face my biggest fear of giving myself shots, maybe it was just a practice run for if we get the chance to do IVF. Whatever it was, it was meant to happen. I believe with all my heart in the power Faith and prayer have. They have gotten my through the hardest times of this journey. He has put amazing friends and family in my life as a huge support system. I am truly humbled by the love, support and prayers from everyone. I know that this journey has given me one of my most precious gifts and that is strengthened Faith and trust in Heavenly Father. I have grown so much spiritually throughout this journey. Without my Faith I would be a lost mess.
Going into this I am going to choose Faith over fear. I know days will be hard, but I also know what I have been promised. I also know that my Heavenly Father loves me, and I know that with him & my family by my side I can get through anything. God makes the impossible possible.
Thank you everyone who has stuck with us through this journey. You will never know how much your prayers and kind words mean to us. We feel your prayers and it strengthens us. This journey is not yet over, but I want you all to know how much you mean to us. So thank you from the bottom of our hearts, we love you!
If you have any low calorie meal ideas or snacks let me know
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Do you trust me?
Today I got some hard news. My only tube that works is blocked. So I have two options I can throw myself a pity party and cry, or I can put all my faith and trust in God that if it be his will my tube will be healed. I have chosen to do the second one. This week I have been concentrating on strengthening myself spiritually by listening to conference talks and my scriptures while at work. During this I have heard many talks on never giving up, faith, trust in the Lord , blessings, and in miracles. I honestly feel it has prepared me for what lies ahead. Do I trust my Heavenly Father? Do I trust and know with my whole heart that my tube can be healed and that miracles do exist?
One day while I was praying this week I heard the words do you trust me? Naturally I started looking around seeing if anyone was talking to me. Of course no one was around. Then I heard those words again Do you trust me? My thoughts were yes of course I do. Then I really thought about it. Have I truly and honestly put all my trust in Heavenly Father through all of this? Have I trusted him enough to truly let it go? I wish the answer was yes. I think we all have a fear of having things taken out of our control. What if it doesn't work out or other what its. Yes I have Faith that I will be a mother and that God keeps his promises, but did I truly and whole heartidly trust that it would happen? Did I put my faith before my fear? Truly having Faith in Heavenly Father also means trusting him, and that's where I have been lacking.
So now more then ever I am going to put my whole heart and soul into trusting and having faith in my Heavenly Father. I have done everything that I can, now it's time for him to take over. I can't just say that though I have to truly and whole heartidly believe it. Believe that he can heal that tube, and that miracles do happen. This will not be easy, and I know it will really test my faith more then ever. But I cannot let fear stand in the way of my faith. I am ready to learn and grow and be strengthened by this. I will never give up. With God nothing is impossible. Nothing worth having ever comes easy.
I am so grateful to so many of you who have been and are praying for Corey and I. I feel truly humbled by it and I have never ever taken it for granted. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You have truly made a difference. I am strengthened so much by your love, thoughts and prayers. We love you all so much and feel truly blessed.
I know and believe with my whole heart that we have Heaven cheering us on as well. We will get through this and we will get our miracle. With faith and trust in our Heavenly Father we can get through anything. One of the quotes I have says "You will see it when you believe it." I also have another one that says, "Where there is hope, there is faith, where there is faith, miracles happen. I love these two quotes so much! They help me to remember to believe in miracles and to always have hope and faith. Some of the words from my favorite scripture from my days in the LDS sorority are "Wherefore be of good cheer and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you and will stand by you. He loves us and is here for us always. He knows our thoughts, our hearts desires, and concerns. He will be there to keep guiding us through, and taking our hands. When we can't walk he will carry us and also carry the burden for us. We may have a little longer road on this journey to our miracle, but I have Faith that we will get our miracle. It will be in his timing though, not ours.
One day while I was praying this week I heard the words do you trust me? Naturally I started looking around seeing if anyone was talking to me. Of course no one was around. Then I heard those words again Do you trust me? My thoughts were yes of course I do. Then I really thought about it. Have I truly and honestly put all my trust in Heavenly Father through all of this? Have I trusted him enough to truly let it go? I wish the answer was yes. I think we all have a fear of having things taken out of our control. What if it doesn't work out or other what its. Yes I have Faith that I will be a mother and that God keeps his promises, but did I truly and whole heartidly trust that it would happen? Did I put my faith before my fear? Truly having Faith in Heavenly Father also means trusting him, and that's where I have been lacking.
So now more then ever I am going to put my whole heart and soul into trusting and having faith in my Heavenly Father. I have done everything that I can, now it's time for him to take over. I can't just say that though I have to truly and whole heartidly believe it. Believe that he can heal that tube, and that miracles do happen. This will not be easy, and I know it will really test my faith more then ever. But I cannot let fear stand in the way of my faith. I am ready to learn and grow and be strengthened by this. I will never give up. With God nothing is impossible. Nothing worth having ever comes easy.
I am so grateful to so many of you who have been and are praying for Corey and I. I feel truly humbled by it and I have never ever taken it for granted. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You have truly made a difference. I am strengthened so much by your love, thoughts and prayers. We love you all so much and feel truly blessed.
I know and believe with my whole heart that we have Heaven cheering us on as well. We will get through this and we will get our miracle. With faith and trust in our Heavenly Father we can get through anything. One of the quotes I have says "You will see it when you believe it." I also have another one that says, "Where there is hope, there is faith, where there is faith, miracles happen. I love these two quotes so much! They help me to remember to believe in miracles and to always have hope and faith. Some of the words from my favorite scripture from my days in the LDS sorority are "Wherefore be of good cheer and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you and will stand by you. He loves us and is here for us always. He knows our thoughts, our hearts desires, and concerns. He will be there to keep guiding us through, and taking our hands. When we can't walk he will carry us and also carry the burden for us. We may have a little longer road on this journey to our miracle, but I have Faith that we will get our miracle. It will be in his timing though, not ours.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Moving Forward with Peace
I have been wanting to write for awhile now, but I haven't really known what to say. So I am trusting God to help me write this. The last year was hard. It was so full of so many ups & downs. Although it was hard, I truly found my greatest strength.
Even when I felt like giving up and that God had abandoned us, I came to understand he truly was there. He was working behind the scenes through it all. Even though I didn't get the miracle I wanted at this time, I got another miracle. I received the strength I needed. I received the hope and faith to never give up my dreams. I developed trust in a loving Heavenly Father, and I gained the strength I never knew I had within myself.
Month after month, heart break after heartbreak I gained the strength to keep going. I would get down on my knees with tears rolling down my face and pray for him to let me be a mother. My heart felt completely broken and I felt such incredible sadness. It's times like those when I felt arms around me giving me strength to keep going and knowing that I was loved unconditionally. He loved me, he was there for me, and all I needed to do was trust him. I needed to trust his timing in all things, and to completely trust in him I needed to let go. Let go of my control, and let him take control. I was tired, heartbroken, confused, scared and sad. How could I live a happy life when all I had felt was sadness. I wanted my life back and I wanted to be happy again. I didn't want the heavy burden anymore. I just wanted peace. Now I look back and see he gave that to me. He just gave it to me in a way I wasn't expecting.
Although at the time I didn't realize all the lessons I was learning, I now see. Sometimes we think we have to show him what we truly want, and keep fighting for it no matter what. But the real lesson is he already knows, and we don't have to do it alone. We don't have to do it all by ourselves, that is what part of the Atonement is for. Jesus has been through it all. He knows every single heartbreak I faced last year. He was there though holding my hand, pushing me to never give up, and letting me know I wasn't alone in this. I have felt his hand and his love throughout this journey.
Whether I am on my knees or listening to church music his message is always clear, you are my child and I am here. One day I was listening to a song I sang in Young Women's all the time.
Walk Tall you're a daughter a child of God be strong please remember who you are, try to understand you're part of his great plan he's closer then you know reach up he'll take your hand.
I could go on, but the message is clear he loves us and is always there. So how did I ever feel like I was alone in this? Heavenly Father has given me strength through his unconditional love for me. My Faith in that has kept me strong through the hard times and kept me going.
I think I have been scared to leave it all in his hands, out of fear not faith. I have been feeding my fears and not my faith. Through this whole entire journey I have seen miracles. So why didn't I just have Faith in him? Why didn't I let my faith get strengthened and my fears shrink? He asks us to give it all to him and to trust him with all our hearts, so why didn't I? It's one thing to say it, but another thing to actually do it. I think I was scared that if I did I would feel like I was moving on from this, that I was giving up, but that's not it at all. By actually leaving this in his hands I am finally putting my Faith into my actions. I am letting go of the things I can't control and letting Heavenly Father take it over. I need to use the trust I have learned to have in him with my whole entire heart. I need to trust in him fully and completely. He has never let me down, and through this I see he has always kept his promises. They didn't come when I expected them to, or in a way I expected them to come, but they came how he wanted them to come.
So now I am going to start praying for something that I should have all along and that is to have peace in knowing that it's in his hands. To know that he knows what's best for me and when I am meant to be a mother it will happen. As I write this I feel a deep burden taken off my shoulders. I feel I can keep going, keep trusting, and most of all I feel a deep peace. I feel peace in knowing I have truly done all I can in this, and now it's time to put my faith into action. To trust fully and completely in my Heavenly Father's timing. This doesn't mean I am giving up, it just means I am letting God take the reins now.
Even when I felt like giving up and that God had abandoned us, I came to understand he truly was there. He was working behind the scenes through it all. Even though I didn't get the miracle I wanted at this time, I got another miracle. I received the strength I needed. I received the hope and faith to never give up my dreams. I developed trust in a loving Heavenly Father, and I gained the strength I never knew I had within myself.
Month after month, heart break after heartbreak I gained the strength to keep going. I would get down on my knees with tears rolling down my face and pray for him to let me be a mother. My heart felt completely broken and I felt such incredible sadness. It's times like those when I felt arms around me giving me strength to keep going and knowing that I was loved unconditionally. He loved me, he was there for me, and all I needed to do was trust him. I needed to trust his timing in all things, and to completely trust in him I needed to let go. Let go of my control, and let him take control. I was tired, heartbroken, confused, scared and sad. How could I live a happy life when all I had felt was sadness. I wanted my life back and I wanted to be happy again. I didn't want the heavy burden anymore. I just wanted peace. Now I look back and see he gave that to me. He just gave it to me in a way I wasn't expecting.
Although at the time I didn't realize all the lessons I was learning, I now see. Sometimes we think we have to show him what we truly want, and keep fighting for it no matter what. But the real lesson is he already knows, and we don't have to do it alone. We don't have to do it all by ourselves, that is what part of the Atonement is for. Jesus has been through it all. He knows every single heartbreak I faced last year. He was there though holding my hand, pushing me to never give up, and letting me know I wasn't alone in this. I have felt his hand and his love throughout this journey.
Whether I am on my knees or listening to church music his message is always clear, you are my child and I am here. One day I was listening to a song I sang in Young Women's all the time.
Walk Tall you're a daughter a child of God be strong please remember who you are, try to understand you're part of his great plan he's closer then you know reach up he'll take your hand.
I could go on, but the message is clear he loves us and is always there. So how did I ever feel like I was alone in this? Heavenly Father has given me strength through his unconditional love for me. My Faith in that has kept me strong through the hard times and kept me going.
I think I have been scared to leave it all in his hands, out of fear not faith. I have been feeding my fears and not my faith. Through this whole entire journey I have seen miracles. So why didn't I just have Faith in him? Why didn't I let my faith get strengthened and my fears shrink? He asks us to give it all to him and to trust him with all our hearts, so why didn't I? It's one thing to say it, but another thing to actually do it. I think I was scared that if I did I would feel like I was moving on from this, that I was giving up, but that's not it at all. By actually leaving this in his hands I am finally putting my Faith into my actions. I am letting go of the things I can't control and letting Heavenly Father take it over. I need to use the trust I have learned to have in him with my whole entire heart. I need to trust in him fully and completely. He has never let me down, and through this I see he has always kept his promises. They didn't come when I expected them to, or in a way I expected them to come, but they came how he wanted them to come.
So now I am going to start praying for something that I should have all along and that is to have peace in knowing that it's in his hands. To know that he knows what's best for me and when I am meant to be a mother it will happen. As I write this I feel a deep burden taken off my shoulders. I feel I can keep going, keep trusting, and most of all I feel a deep peace. I feel peace in knowing I have truly done all I can in this, and now it's time to put my faith into action. To trust fully and completely in my Heavenly Father's timing. This doesn't mean I am giving up, it just means I am letting God take the reins now.
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