Update on our Journey!!

                          I wanted to share our story of what we have been going through with this

 fertility journey of ours. This has been one of the biggest trials and heartaches in my life, so let me start from the beginning.

                         Every girl yearns to be a mommy from the time they are little playing with their dolls. They long for the day when they can be married and start their own beautiful family. After all that's what's supposed to happen right? You get married and start a family. I wish this was the case for us right now.

                          Corey and I have been trying to start our family for about 6 years. Our journey began when I found out I had PCOS. Something that is very common for infertility. A doctor explained the basics to me my hormones are out of balance, which makes it hard to get pregnant. Finding that out was honestly a shot in the gut. It was scary frightening, and not something I could fathom. Now that I know more about it, it is not as scary. This is one of the most common infertility causes and the most treatable. Through medicines such as clomid and other prescriptions, this can be helped.

                        My doctor put me on clomid several times and we still didn't see any results. This has been so disheartening. Many nights and days I would just cry. My heart just aches to hold a baby in my arms, to be someone's mommy, and to know they are mine forever.

Sometimes I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster. This is one of the hardest trials I have had in my life. It has also been a very spiritual and sort of enlightening one, if that makes sense? I think I have grown more closer to my Father in Heaven then I have before. You honestly grow so much spiritually through this. Although my heart never stops aching for a baby, I know it is in his hands. He is always been there for me, so why wouldn't he be now?

We started out on a fertilty drug called clomid, it wasn't really working though. So my doctor sent me to a fertility specialist. He did a sonogram and found what he thought was a small mass. This was so scary, because we had no idea what to expect. My doctor ordered an ultrasound and they discovered that mass they thought was small, wasn't so small. It was the size of a basketball, no I am not kidding. They had to get it out and quick. 2 weeks later I was scheduled for surgery. The surgery went very well and they were able to remove it. Now we are back on clomid, hoping that the mass was a factor in us not getting pregnant. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father though, I can't even imagine getting pregnant and having that mass. He definitely knew that we weren't supposed to be pregnant.

                   Six months after the surgery I went back on clomid, still no results. As time went on the fear came. What if I never have a baby? This makes my heart break into a million pieces. My emotions go all over the place and I know it is a true trial of my Faith. I was put on a new medicine, and still nothing. So what is the update now?

                   My sister was told about this amazing fertility doctor in Pleasant Grove. So I made an appointment in February to see him. From the minute I walked in the office I truly felt the spirit. My family had special fasts for me and I was given a blessing. I saw a picture on his desk that truly brought so much peace into my heart it was Mosiah 8:18 Thus God has provided a means that man, through faith, might work mighty miracles; therefore he becometh a great benefit to his fellow beings. What a beautiful and comforting scripture. It is amazing to me how the Lord often speaks to us, sometimes without us even knowing.

                   We met with Dr. Foulk and we went over my condition. He explained to Corey and I about my PCOS, and a plan of action. He says hopefully with the medicines and doing the IUI(insemination) procedure, I could be pregnant by June. If this doesn't work we go onto plan B.

                  So here we go. A new part of the journey. One that is full of hope promise and a scary unknown. I am scared, but I am also have Faith and hope. It's in the Lord's hands now, so what  better place for it to be right? I will keep you updated on the results, and feelings of this new part of our journey. While we are going through this crazy adventure we would really appreciate prayers and support. Thank you to all our friends and family for always being there with us on this journey. We love you all and are so grateful for all your love and support!

                  Something I am truly learning on this journey is that God, not I is in control. That with God anything is possible. My favorite quote is: "Where there is hope, there if Faith, where there is Faith, miracles happen."  Heavenly Father is always there for us, all we have to do is ask and leave it in his hands. So now it's time to Let go and let God take over. Hopefully we will be blessed with a little one, but one thing is for sure we will keep learning and growing

 

                       

Finding Faith and Trust during troubling times!

   

              Today I have been inspired to talk about having Faith and trusting in Heavenly Father. This can be one of the hardest things one will face for many reasons. Having Faith is never an easy task. At times it can feel nearly impossible. How does one trust and have Faith in someone they have never seen? How do we build our Faith and trust?  These are all questions often asked. While I might not have all the answers for these, I would like to share experiences in my life with you where I have learned to do these things. Although the roads to learning these things weren't always easy, I can promise you one thing they were and still are worth it. I treasure my relationship with my Heavenly Father. When I pray I know he is really listening, I know he knows my heart, fears, hopes, dreams, and he knows my needs. I am not here to tell you I have mastered this, because to be honest just like everyone else I am still learning and growing. I hope and pray that as I share with you the experiences that have tried, tested and made my faith grow that something I say can help you in your life challenges as well.

 

               I was adopted when I was a few days old, and while some may think that is easy let me tell you it can actually be hard. When I got old enough to truly understand what that meant, at times I had a really hard time with issues of feeling abandoned, not wanted, and just plain hurt. I wanted to know what was wrong with me, why didn't my biological mother want me? This led to me pushing people away when they would try and get close. I felt that if I left first, I wouldn't feel that horrible ache of not feeling wanted. When in actuality I was only hurting myself and the relationships around me. Those around me were never going to leave me, they loved me. I had a really hard time trusting that anyone would want to be in my life. I felt insecure, and that I wasn't worth being loved. Those were some very dark and scary times. I pushed more people away, then I care to admit. I had that deep fear of people leaving so deeply rooted in my heart that I had a hard time letting people in and trusting them. Then one day I remember praying and feeling God's love so strong it had me in tears. I began to understand that my biological mother did love me, and that when she gave me up it was out of pure love. That God had directed me to a different path, her purpose was only to be a vessel to bring me to the family I was meant to have. This helped me to start realizing I was worth it, and that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us and every one of them is different. By trusting him I would learn the path he wants me to be on, and by exercising that Faith it would help me get there. I also learned that during times I feel my doubts, fears, and heartaches taking over, that I can turn it over to him. While I would love to tell you my insecurities have totally gone away, I can't. I can only tell you it has gotten a little easier, but I know who I am. I am a daughter of God, and he loves me. That helps me in more ways I can explain.

 

              Throughout my life I have experienced great heartaches, hardships, and true faith builders. I think all of these have truly prepared me for what I am going through now, which I will get to in the next paragraph.

 

             My husband and I made the decision to start our family after we had been married for three years. We felt this would give us time to get to know each other better, and to help us strengthen our relationship. We figured when we were ready, kids would just come. That's how it happens right? Oh how we were wrong. We tried for a year like the doctor told us to, and nothing happened. I remember feeling worried, scared, heartbroken and wondering once again what was wrong with me? We tried fertility medicines and each month I would have to check my temperature. Then every month I would think, this is the one. I would get so excited and think that I was pregnant, that the test would be different this month. Then reality would sink in with that little strip NOT PREGNANT it would say time after time. Those days were the hardest. I would cry all day, and just want to be left alone. I would wonder why is Heavenly Father doing this to me? I started to blame Heavenly Father and felt so helpless. I had many dreams where I saw my future kids, but why weren't those kids coming? My hope and faith faded. I became bitter at anyone who would get pregnant. I had a hard time getting up in the morning and having motivation to do pretty much anything. Time went on like this for quite a while. My doctor told u that she would advise seeing a specialist. A small glimmer of hope came back, this doctor would help us. Once again we were told to go on those medicines, and I had to have more tests done. I felt like a pin cushion and lab rat. My heart grew heavier every day. I felt lost, and blamed myself for not being able to bring kids to our family. The pain was indescribable. Then one day the doctor found a large cyst on my ovary and I needed to have surgery for it to be removed. I was told that if it hadn't been found it would have continued to enlarge and could cause serious health problems or possibly death. It was a good thing I didn't get pregnant or it could have killed me. This was a scary reality for me. While I was recovering from this major surgery I had time to really evaluate things in my life. I think that was a serious turning point for me. I started to realize the Lord was really aware of me, and was trying to protect me by not getting pregnant.  After I had recovered and was ready to try again, still nothing was working. I felt my heart sinking and that I was going back into that pit of despair. One day I was on my knees bawling and pouring my heart out to Heavenly Father. I was praying to him to help me, help my heart to change, and grow stronger Faith in him. I didn't want to be sad anymore. I wanted to be a mom so bad it hurt. I will never forget that moment when it felt like his arms were around me, calming me, and telling me it will be ok. My children were special and needed time to prepare for these days, that my dreams were real and that I would be blessed as long as I trusted in him. I felt like I was talking to a father and I knew he was listening, that he truly loved me. This once again helped me to gain faith and trust in him.

 

            Even though we still haven't been able to have a baby, I still hold the hope and faith in my heart that our dreams will one day come true. We are going to see a new specialist next month and I feel that this could be an answer to our prayers. I have felt the love my Heavenly Father has for me so strong lately, that it can't be denied. I know we have a long road to go still, but I also know that Heavenly Father is in control. To me this is a very comforting thought. I know if I trust him and continue on with Faith in him everything will be ok.

 

           Although the road to gaining Faith and trust in my Heavenly Father has not been easy, I wouldn't change anything about it. I know he has given me these trials, hardships and heartaches in my life to help me learn and grow. That without these trials I would not have the knowledge, faith, and trust in my Heavenly Father that I have. I have also learned Satan will do anything to stop God's plan for us. He will make things so hard we want to give up, he will try and take away our faith and trust, and he will remind us of our doubts, fears, and worries. He does not want us to be happy, because he isn't happy. Always remember by putting your Faith, trust, and hope in our Heavenly Father anything is possible. He makes what we think is impossible become possible. Heavenly Father loves you, he wants you to be happy, but just like any other father he also wants you to grow. By giving us trials, heartaches, and hardships this will help our faith grow. It will stretch us, mold us, and help us become the person he knows we can be. We will begin to trust him and we will know that when we have done everything we can, to give it to him and he will do what we can't. He will lighten our burdens, and will calm our fears. All things are possible through him. We need to believe that, trust that, and find hope in that. Nothing worth having is ever easy, but it sure is worth it!

                             
                              
 
                               

Six helps for Relationship Struggles!!

                      So my last blog I wrote a post on why I believe we have struggles in relationships. If you haven't read it yet, go read it I'll wait ha ha. For those of you that are reading this, I pray that you will get out of this what you are supposed to. I know and believe that Heavenly Father loves each of us, he is so mindful of your struggles. Trust him, he will never let you down.

            Getting through struggles in a relationship are some of the greatest hardships we will face. They are never easy. I want to share with you some of the things I have learned through going through them myself, and I what I am still learning. I think one of my favorite books on relationships is by Dr. John Lund, called For All Eternity. This has been one of the biggest tools in my life that has helped me in my relationship with my husband. I will reference what I have learned both personally through Heavenly Father, and things that helped me from this book.


          So how do we get through struggles with our partner? Well there really is not an easy solution for this. I think the biggest things are COMMUNICATION, COMPROMISE, APOLOGY, FORGIVENESS, PRAYER, and LOVE. Without these six things it is impossible to get through anything, but with these things possible to get through struggles. Lets break these six things out, and show how these are essential to have during struggles.

          Communication: This is one of the most important things in a relationship period!! When we are going through struggles it is important to always communicate to each other. I read a quote once that said one calm talk can save a relationship, only if both are willing to participate. Let each other know your frustrations, but do it in a calm way. Never use your words as weapons to hurt each other. Words spoken in the heat of the moment, can sometimes do more damamge then we realize. The words that come out can be forgiven, but they are not always forgotten. Remember you are both in this together. One thing I am learning is don't take your stress and frustrations out on each other. It isn't fair to unload on your partner, when they are not the cause of it. Instead use them as a listening ear, they love you and want to be there for you. If you can't talk calmly go on a walk, run, or anywhere else where you can get hold of your emotions.


         Compromise: So this is huge in my house. My husband and I are constantly doing this. In all honesty it saves so many arguments. I have had to learn it's not always about being right, but more about having peace. I think sometimes we just need to pick and choose our battles. Think to ourselves is this really worth fighting about? Sometimes we can do more damage by always having to be right, that it isn't worth it. Don't sweat the small things.You two are a team, it's better to fight the battle together then apart!


          Apology: So I am trying to be better at this, but sometimes I have a tendency to be stubborn. I want my husband to be the one to apologize first, even though I may have been the one that egged it on.When I walk away I get on my knees and pray to Heavenly Father. I ask him to help open my heart to understanding, forgiveness, love, and to see the best in my partner. I let him know that I am mad right now, and to help take that anger from my heart. I would like to say this always happens, but I would be lying. Most of the time it ends up with me lashing out with words of hurt and anger. This goes on until we are exhausted and both feeling hurt, angry, and unloved. We say things we later regret and wish we could take back, but it's too late they have already come out. The damage has been done, and we are left feeling awful. So what then? I believe a heartfelt and sincere apology can go along way to help heal a broken heart. I read a quote that says: "The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. the first to forget is the happiest." This is so true, on that moment when I do apologize to my husband first I feel a weight has lifted off me. I think we sometimes we think if we say sorry everything will be ok. Truth is, sometimes it can be. What does I am sorry mean though? It means we will try not to do it ever again. When you apologize make sure it is heartfelt. Make it an apology you would want to hear. Don't be stubborn like me! Even if you aren't the one in the wrong, it helps show you care about the relationship more!


            Forgiveness: In the book Dr. Lund tells you to write down all the things that your partner has hurt you with and literally bury it. Once you do this he says you can't bring it up again. Let it go fully, and watch how fast your heart will change. That is much harder then it sounds, trust me I have been there. I think my most favorite thing he says is what to do after. He says write a letter to your partner and tell them how much these things have hurt you, but end it with I forgive you. You can't write this letter until you are truly ready to forgive them. You can either read it aloud to them, or leave it somewhere they will find it. After they have read it and they come to you, look them in the eyes and say it again. I forgive you. There are no three words, except maybe I love you, and I am sorry that will mean more to them. I have done this, and honestly I can't even explain to you how powerful it was. How much our love grew even stronger after that very moment. This will bring more strength to your relationship then you will ever imagine. The Lord loves us and asks that we forgive always. By doing this we are showing him that Christ's atonement wasn't for nothing. This is the hardest thing you will have to do, but it is so worth it. I am not perfect at this, my husband says that it's almost like I have a file of all his wrong deeds stored. I sometimes use them to hurt him with it, just because I am lashing out and angry. I am learning from this each day. I have to remind myself to lock that drawer, so it can't be pulled out into my memory. This is one of the hardest things when you are struggling to not do. Words said in the heat of the moment can sometimes hurt those we love more then we know. Bury those weapons, they are not going to do anything for you except cause a lot of heartache and hurt.


      Prayer: No one can help us more through these hard times then our loving Heavenly Father. All we have to do is ask for his help. I know when I ask Heavenly Father and put my burdens in his hands, he will. All we need to do is have Faith. By giving it over to our Heavenly Father we are saying, I have done all I can I need help. I think we also have to pray for our partners. Always pray to see the best in each other, pray for a love that makes their weaknesses seem small, and pray for their health and happiness. I know whenever I pray for my husband my heart swells with love and appreciation for him. Pray for each other that you will both soften your hearts, let the pain and bitter feelings out, and allow the love and forgiveness in.

      Love: Always show your love for each other even when you are mad. You don't necessarily hate your partner just what they did. Love each other through it! There is a great power in unconditional love, it can help us get through anything. Be there for each other always, and love even when it's hard to! Always love through the good, bad, happy, sad, and even the ugly! There is nothing you two can't conquer together! Love is powerful let it fill your heart.


      Now I am going to be real here. I honestly feel one of the biggest struggles in my life would be not feeling like I was good enough for my husband, and feeling the fact that we haven't been blessed with children is my fault. This has been a huge struggle in our marriage. This has caused friction in my marriage at times. The stress of the doctor bills, emotional strain, and everything that comes along with it has not been easy. There are days I want to stay in bed and cry, or go to bed so I can't feel that burning ache anymore. The only thing that gets me through those days is Faith. Faith in Heavenly Father's timing. Once you let go of the fear of whatever you are struggling with, and let the Faith in, your heart will change. Also knowing that you and your partner are a team. That you can face anything together, as long as you have each other. You are his and he is yours. Adopt the mentality that his problems are yours and vice versa. Always be there for each other, even if they aren't being loveable. I am learning through lots of faith, hope, love, forgiveness, and with the help of our loving Heavenly Father we can get through anything together. It just takes a lot of time, work, patience, and dedication! There will be hard days when you feel like there is no hope, and you want to give up. Never ever ever give up there is always hope! Always remember that true love can conquers all! 
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Every Relationship has it's Struggles!!

       I think that every relationship needs to go through struggles to better ourselves, strengthen the relationship, and bring us closer to God.

       How does going through trials as a couple help us better ourselves? I know being married at times of trial I learn a lot about the things I need to change in myself. I learn what works and doesn't work, then I try and evaluate and find ways to better myself. If we ask the questions Lord, what do I need to learn about this trial for myself and What things do I need to change to become better? We have a better understanding of what the Lord wants us to learn from this. We also learn the things we need to change in order to become that person we know not only Heavenly Father wants us to become, but what our partner needs as well. We need to love ourselves. By loving ourselves it helps us become more capable of loving others. We Know that it is ok that you aren't perfect, we are always learning and growing. It is also ok that your partner isn't perfect, they are growing as well. Accept and own  that you have faults and that your partner has them. Learn to help strengthen each others faults, not hold them against each other. This will help strengthen your relationship. Hearts can change once we turn ourselves over to God. Allow him to help you make changes in yourself for the better. If we become more like him, we will be more forgiving and always have unconditional love This will also help us to see all the good things in each other, and not always the bad. We will want to help each other become better, and reach the full potential we know we are capable of.  I think each new struggle brings something new to learn together. Learning about ourselves and becoming better from the struggles we are faced with is key to being better prepared for the next one we are faced with.

          How does this help strengthen our relationship? In my own life I guess my husband and I would be labeled as a couple who has faced much adversity. We have experienced a lot of personal trials in our almost nine years of marriage. We have been through a lot of ups and downs. Sometimes you can be so happy you feel like you are going to explode, and other times you wonder am I ever going to get through this.  I remember before I was married and the bishop told my soon to be husband and I a very prominent thing. He said Satan always goes after the couples that Heavenly Father has great plans for. At first I didn't understand this concept very well, but I can assure you I do now. Satan will do anything he can to try and hurt a relationship. He will cause you to have fear, doubt, make you think you aren't good enough for each other, and so on. One of my biggest fears for awhile was I didn' t feel I was good enough for my husband so out of fear of him one day leaving me, I would do things to push him away. This is never good to think or feel. Heavenly Father brings two people together for a reason. He knows we are more then good enough for each other, so why should we feel differently? I think we need to really know and believe in our worth to Heavenly Father, and our partner! They both love us so much, we need to trust in this. Satan will always test us on this. I remember thinking some days that I was ready to quit. How could I endure one more thing happening to us? I was hurt, tired, and an emotional mess.  I remember thinking to my self does he even love me, is this going to work out? Why do we have to keep going through all of this. Then a soft voice whispered to me. I gave him to you, because I knew you would never give up on him, even when it's hard. This literally brought tears to my eyes. Here I was complaining about this problem, when Heavenly Father trusted me to be there to help one of his sons. He knew I was the one who could help him through his dark days, and never give up on him. He knew the struggles we were faced with would be hard. But as long as we had each other, we could make it through anything thrown our way. Satan thrives on our insecurities, we need to take the fear out of the relationship and let the Faith come in. So why does God allow struggles like this to happen? I believe he allows us to have these struggles to help better prepare us for the bigger ones that are coming. He doesn't do this to hurt us, he loves us. He doesn't want us to fail. He wants us to learn important things and grow from each struggle to better prepare us for what is ahead. He also allows this to happen so we can learn to trust in not only God, but one another as well.  It also helps us grow together. How else could we learn to come together as a team, the whole us against the world mentality? Each trial helps us become a lot closer to each other. It helps us learn our strengths and weaknesses as a couple, and what we need to improve on to help us better prepare when they come again. Don't let the struggle you're facing become more important then each other. Heavenly Father has promised us that he will never give us a burden we cannot bare. He loves us and of course he wants us to be happy, but he also wants us to be able to learn and grow together. If we never had trials thrown at us, how would our strength be tested as a couple? Of course there will be arguments and problems. It's how we learn to handle them that helps us grow. I think trials are what help define a relationship. It's not always about the happy, and that's ok. We need to have bad times to appreciate all the good times. This makes the good times even sweeter. Loving someone is loving them through the happy, the sad, good, bad, and even the ugly. If we hold tight to each other through all that we experience, it helps our love grow even stronger. It helps us become ready to face whatever challenges are up ahead. The hard times will come, and if we are there for each other, and work as a team we will better conquer them.

      How does this help us grow closer to God? If we were only given the happy days, how often would we turn to our Heavenly Father? Of course life would be easier if it were full of only happy times, but how would we learn? When we are faced with trials by praying together as a couple, it helps us become closer to him. We better learn of his plan for us as a couple and the plan he has for us individually. When going through our struggles as a couple, put your lives in Heavenly Father's hands. Trust that he can help you through anything you are faced with. Through the power of prayer ask for both of you to have patience with each other , a heart to be understanding & forgiving, help you let go of pride, and to always see the best in each other no matter what.  Alway keep Heavenly Father in your relationship. When he is apart of our relationship, he is able to protect it more. This helps us grow to trust in him, and know that when we are faced with trials we can always go to him together. He loves us, and wants the best for us. He is there to give us hope, faith, and whatever else we need during struggles. Trust him, he is always mindful of our needs and will never let us down.

    I think all of these things are very important to help us learn during the struggles we face in relationships. The things I have learned is never give up on the one you love no matter how hard it gets. Nothing worth having comes easy. Always show unconditional love, don't put unrealistic expectations on them. If they know you will have their back no matter what, they will come to you more when they themselves are struggling. You two are a team, always remember that. Your problems are his problems, and his are yours When you fight these battles together as a team instead of against each other, you will be more successful. There will always be some hurt, heartache, and tears during these struggles, but with that comes a lot of growth.You can face anything together with not only God on your side, but your partner as well. Remember through these hard times to communicate to your partner you may not like them or what they did at the moment, but you still love them. True love is always worth it,  love is worth the fight! Nothing is too broken it can't be fixed. Through the healing power of the atonement and through forgiveness, broken hearts can be healed. I pray that this post can help and encourage everyone to not be discouraged during trials, but learn from them together!
 

 I have started The Love Dare Challenge, to help strengthen my relationship. It is a 40 day challenge, so when I have finished it I will post my results. For all that have never heard about it, below is a link on where to find it.



http://www.amazon.com/Love-Dare-Alex-Kendrick-ebook/dp/B00BGEVWSI/ref=sr_1_1_ha?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1408666151&sr=1-1&keywords=the+love+dare

Great Talk! Below is a quote from a great talk by Henry B Eyring. I encourage you to read the talk, it's a good one!

Our Perfect Example

Henry B. Eyring

First, I give counsel to husbands and wives. Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion.

                           

With Faith, Hope, and Love Nothing is Impossible!!

                    So yesterday I had the feeling that I needed to post about the thoughts that are rolling around in my head. So here it goes. I have felt the Spirit so strong lately, and it brings my heart so much peace and joy. I am not going to go into detail about some of the things I have heard or felt, but just know God loves us and is involved in every detail of our lives.

                     I was driving to church yesterday when all of the sudden a light bulb went off in my head. An answer to a prayer that I have been searching for what seems like forever. Why do I have to deal with infertility? This has been one of the hardest challenges in my life, so why me Heavenly Father? It was yesterday driving to church that I received what I think is the answer to that burning question. I know you can handle it, you fight and never give up for all those you love or what you want. In that very moment a peaceful feeling came over me, and tears rolled down my cheeks. God wasn't punishing me, I have done nothing wrong. In fact I look at it, as he has so much Faith in me that he knows I will make it through this! For along time I have been somewhat angry with him, but those feelings of sadness and anger went away in that very moment. I have a whole new perspective on why this is happening to me. 
                  
                   So what now? Since Heavenly Father has given me this trial with confidence knowing I will never in fact give up, I am going to make him proud. I won't give up on my dreams of being a mother, I will learn what I need to learn through this trial, and in the end I will come out a better person. For I know I am a daughter of God! He loves me, he is involved in every detail of my life and through him I will be blessed. When I don't know, but I know that God always keeps his promises. Nothing is impossible through Faith, Hope, and Love.
                  
                   Right now I am learning and growing so much through the things he has taught me through the Holy Ghost. I feel through this trial I have learned to have more of a Father daughter relationship with him then I have ever had before. When I pray I feel him listening intently to my heart and soul. I hear his words to have peace, patience, and faith. This warms my heart like never before. He knows I want to be a mother, he knows the desires of my heart, and he is working behind the scenes to make his promise fulfilled to me. What an amazing blessing we have to talk to our Father in Heaven. He is always there for us. He loves us, and wants to protect us. He wants us to have the righteous desires of our hearts. So during those times of pain and struggles, remember this one thing. God loves you with all of his heart. When you truly believe that it will change your heart, it will cause you to have the trust and faith in him you need. Your heart will be changed forever, and you will realize he doesn't give you struggles to hurt you, but to help strengthen you. He has so much Faith in us, and knows we can get through it with his help.
                    
                  I am still learning, and growing through this trial. My heart is full of gratitude to my Heavenly Father for trusting in me, and having Faith that I can make it. There will still be hard days, there will still be sadness, but I know that through God's never ending love I can do this! I am a daughter of God, and with his help miracles do happen!

Feeling Blessed!!!

I haven't written on here for awhile, so I decided for a New Year's resolution to start writing a post at least once a month. Obviously I missed January so I am going to try much harder to meet this goal!
    
     My journey to having a baby has not been easy, but one thing has always stayed constant. My Heavenly Father has always been right there on the journey with me, at time I know he has even carried me through my darkest times. He is always there at times reassuring me through my dreams, or by just entering thoughts in my mind. I have had so many spiritual experiences that  I could never doubt the love my Heavenly Father has for me.
     
       On Saturday I was driving to my mom's house when all of the sudden I felt this strong reassurance that he was there, and he knows what my heart desires most. He then reminded me through my thoughts some of the things I have been told through this experience. Then I recieved a scripture that really made me think.
Moroni 7:42
Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope.

         This scripture really stood out to me, and was an answer to a prayer. Maybe just then Heavenly Father was trying to tell me, I needed to have hope again. Those two principles go hand in hand, so if I was losing Hope was I losing my Faith also? The Lord knew at that very time that my small ray of hope was dimming. He knew that my heart was starting to break all over again, and he knew what I needed. That scripture may seem small to some people, but to me it made all the difference in the world.
        I have had so many dreams lately of children lately, and those are strong reminders that the Lord is always there. He is always there, even when we don't know it! Always hold on to this Faith, and assurance that he is there. This will help you and will be a great comfort.

 

Hope

  So I know it's been forever since I have written on here. I think it's because when I first started this blog it was a way to vent all my emotional feelings. In the past little while I haven't felt the need to do so. I feel more at peace then I have in a long time. I think I am really growing and learning how to trust God.
    I have always known that God loves me. I have always known that I am a child of god, so what has changed? I haven't quite put my finger on the reason, yet in my heart I feel a great change within me.
    My heart feels fuller and more at peace. Although my arms still yearn for a baby of our own. I know with all of my heart that one day our dream of that will come true. How do I know this you ask? Because I have Faith that my Heavenly father answers my prayers. Faith that he knows what the desires of my heart are, and faith that he always keeps his promises.
     This has not been the easiest thing to learn. I have had my struggles, frustrations, and a whole lot of tears through out this process. A process that I would never in a million years thought I would have to go through. I have learned so much through this journey, and my husband and I have stayed strong. It hasn't been easy. My heart has been torn in half and broken for a long time now. My tears have stained my pillows, and sometimes I have become numb. What gets me through all this heartache and pain is my Faith in prayer.
     Prayer to a Heavenly Father who loves me, and who has promised me that one day our dream will come true. One day we will hold a beautiful child, and our hearts will be full. Prayer can be such a powerful thing. I have learned so much through my personal prayers with Heavenly Father.
     I have had my good days and bad days. Mother's Day is always the hardest for me, each year it gets harder and harder. The ache never truly goes away, but each day I feel a little stronger. For now I just have Faith and leave my life in God's hands.