A New Journey

   

              Corey and I went to the fertility doctor's office last Friday. I had already told myself that no matter what the outcome was, it was in God's hands and I needed to have Faith. As I took a deep breath I looked at the scripture my doctor has on his wall, and I knew that our baby whenever it comes would be an absolute miracle. As the doctor started to let us know that my right tube is unable to work and the only way we could get pregnant was through IVF, I kept remembering that voice asking me if I trusted him. I started to have a peaceful feeling that everything would bebok, and to trust him. I knew in that second that my Heavenly Father was there, reminding me to have Faith.
            Then the doctor mentioned a study for IVF they were doing the medicine and everything was included and covered. Could this be an answer to all our many prayers? My heart skipped a beat until he let me know that I qualified for everything except the weight.

             That is never fun to hear, but then I found myself telling my doctor that I would get down to the weight needed. I will do anything for a baby. He gave me a meal plan of 6 meals 200 calories each and gave me a sort of deadline. He also gave me an appetite suppressant that is supposed to take away my hunger and give me energy. With PCOS unfortunately it is hard for us to lose wait, so I am also on pills to regulate my body. Since I have started this diet I have been able to take those pills, which is a huge blessing. Usually they make me so sick. This is another reason why I know this journey is being led by Heavenly Father.

           So here we go on another journey. Yet I honestly feel that this is more of a hopeful journey. I know nothing is guaranteed in life, but I also know that some things are meant to happen in your life. Will it be hard, of course it will. I am on day 3 of this diet and honestly it's not always easy, but in the end it will be worth it no matter what.  My two motivations in this are qualifying for the study and being healthy. I pray every day that Heavenly Father will help me through this. I know that this will only make me better and also strengthen my Faith even more.
            As I look back on this journey I see God"s hand in everything. Of course questions arise as to why didn't they find out my tube didn't work earlier? Maybe the reason is I needed to face my biggest fear of giving myself shots, maybe it was just a practice run for if we get the chance to do IVF. Whatever it was, it was meant to happen. I believe with all my heart in the power Faith and prayer have. They have gotten my through the hardest times of this journey. He has put amazing friends and family in my life as a huge support system. I am truly humbled by the love, support and prayers from everyone. I know that this journey has given me one of my most precious gifts and that is strengthened Faith and trust in Heavenly Father. I have grown so much spiritually throughout this journey. Without my Faith I would be a lost mess.
               Going into this I am going to choose Faith over fear. I know days will be hard, but I also know what I have been promised. I also know that my Heavenly Father loves me, and I know that with him & my family by my side I can get through anything. God makes the impossible possible.
                Thank you everyone who has stuck with us through this journey. You will never know how much your prayers and kind words mean to us. We feel your prayers and it strengthens us. This journey is not yet over, but I want you all to know how much you mean to us. So thank you from the bottom of our hearts, we love you!


If you have any low calorie meal ideas or snacks let me know

Do you trust me?

                         Today I got some hard news. My only tube that works is blocked. So I have two options I can throw myself a pity party and cry, or I can put all my faith and trust in God that if it be his will my tube will be healed. I have chosen to do the second one. This week I have been concentrating on strengthening myself spiritually by listening to conference talks and my scriptures while at work. During this I have heard many talks on never giving up, faith, trust in the Lord , blessings, and in miracles. I honestly feel it has prepared me for what lies ahead. Do I trust my Heavenly Father? Do I trust and know with my whole heart that my tube can be healed and that miracles do exist?

                         One day while I was praying this week I heard the words do you trust me? Naturally I started looking around seeing if anyone was talking to me. Of course no one was around. Then I heard those words again Do you trust me? My thoughts were yes of course I do. Then I really thought about it. Have I truly and honestly put all my trust in Heavenly Father through all of this? Have I trusted him enough to truly let it go? I wish the answer was yes. I think we all have a fear of having things taken out of our control. What if it doesn't work out or other what its. Yes I have Faith that I will be a mother and that God keeps his promises, but did I truly and whole heartidly trust that it would happen? Did I put my faith before my fear? Truly having Faith in Heavenly Father also means trusting him, and that's where I have been lacking.

                          So now more then ever I am going to put my whole heart and soul into trusting and having faith in my Heavenly Father. I have done everything that I can, now it's time for him to take over. I can't just say that though I have to truly and whole heartidly believe it. Believe that he can heal that tube, and that miracles do happen. This will not be easy, and I know it will really test my faith more then ever. But I cannot let fear stand in the way of my faith. I am ready to learn and grow and be strengthened by this. I will never give up. With God nothing is impossible. Nothing worth having ever comes easy.

                          I am so grateful to so many of you who have been and are praying for Corey and I. I feel truly humbled by it and I have never ever taken it for granted. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You have truly made a difference. I am strengthened so much by your love, thoughts and prayers. We love you all so much and feel truly blessed.

                         I know and believe with my whole heart that we have Heaven cheering us on as well. We will get through this and we will get our miracle. With faith and trust in our Heavenly Father we can get through anything. One of the quotes I have says "You will see it when you believe it." I also have another one that says, "Where there is hope, there is faith, where there is faith, miracles happen. I love these two quotes so much! They help me to remember to believe in miracles and to always have hope and faith. Some of the words from my favorite scripture from my days in the LDS sorority are  "Wherefore be of good cheer and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you and will stand by you. He loves us and is here for us always. He knows our thoughts, our hearts desires, and concerns. He will be there to keep guiding us through, and taking our hands. When we can't walk he will carry us and also carry the burden for us. We may have a little longer road on this journey to our miracle, but I have Faith that we will get our miracle. It will be in his timing though, not ours.

Moving Forward with Peace

            I have been wanting to write for awhile now, but I haven't really known what to say. So I am trusting God to help me write this. The last year was hard. It was so full of so many ups & downs. Although it was hard, I truly found my greatest strength.
            Even when I felt like giving up and that God had abandoned us, I came to understand he truly was there. He was working behind the scenes through it all. Even though I didn't get the miracle I wanted at this time, I got another miracle. I received the strength I needed. I received the hope and faith to never give up my dreams. I developed trust in a loving Heavenly Father, and I gained the strength I never knew I had within myself.

             Month after month, heart break after heartbreak I gained the strength to keep going. I would get down on my knees with tears rolling down my face and pray for him to let me be a mother. My heart felt completely broken and I felt such incredible sadness. It's times like those when I felt arms around me giving me strength to keep going and knowing that I was loved unconditionally. He loved me, he was there for me, and all I needed to do was trust him. I needed to trust his timing in all things, and to completely trust in him I needed to let go. Let go of my control, and let him take control. I was tired, heartbroken, confused, scared and sad. How could I live a happy life when all I had felt was sadness. I wanted my life back and I wanted to be happy again. I didn't want the heavy burden anymore. I just wanted peace. Now I look back and see he gave that to me. He just gave it to me in a way I wasn't expecting.

            Although at the time I didn't realize all the lessons I was learning, I now see. Sometimes we think we have to show him what we truly want, and keep fighting for it no matter what. But the real lesson is he already knows, and we don't have to do it alone. We don't have to do it all by ourselves, that is what part of the Atonement is for. Jesus has been through it all. He knows every single heartbreak I faced last year. He was there though holding my hand, pushing me to never give up, and letting me know I wasn't alone in this. I have felt his hand and his love throughout this journey.

             Whether I am on my knees or listening to church music his message is always clear, you are my child and I am here. One day I was listening to a song I sang in Young Women's all the time.

Walk Tall you're a daughter a child of God be strong please remember who you are, try to understand you're part of his great plan he's closer then you know reach up he'll take your hand.
             

                I could go on, but the message is clear he loves us and is always there. So how did I ever feel like I was alone in this? Heavenly Father has given me strength through his unconditional love for me. My Faith in that has kept me strong through the hard times and kept me going.

             I think I have been scared to leave it all in his hands, out of fear not faith. I have been feeding my fears and not my faith. Through this whole entire journey I have seen miracles. So why didn't I just have Faith in him? Why didn't I let my faith get strengthened and my fears shrink? He asks us to give it all to him and to trust him with all our hearts, so why didn't I?  It's one thing to say it, but another thing to actually do it. I think I was scared that if I did I would feel like I was moving on from this, that I was giving up, but that's not it at all. By actually leaving this in his hands I am finally putting my Faith into my actions. I am letting go of the things I can't control and letting Heavenly Father take it over. I need to use the trust I have learned to have in him with my whole entire heart. I need to trust in him fully and completely. He has never let me down, and through this I see he has always kept his promises. They didn't come when I expected them to, or in a way I expected them to come, but they came how he wanted them to come.
   
             So now I am going to start praying for something that I should have all along and that is to have peace in knowing that it's in his hands. To know that he knows what's best for me and when I am meant to be a mother it will happen. As I write this I feel a deep burden taken off my shoulders. I feel I can keep going, keep trusting, and most of all I feel a deep peace. I feel peace in knowing I have truly done all I can in this, and now it's time to put my faith into action. To trust fully and completely in my Heavenly Father's timing. This doesn't mean I am giving up, it just means I am letting God take the reins now.

Setbacks can be Blessings in disguise!

              Here we go again! I feel like I say this way too often. Last month we had a little bit of a setback, but the more I look at it maybe it was a blessing.
              On July third I went to my first scheduled ultrasound to get the ok to move forward. Unfortunately the ok never came. The nurse told me I had to go on birth control, because I had a cysts on each side. This news at the time was devastating to me. I left the office and when I got to my car called my mom and just cried. Tears of frustration, heartbreak and sadness. I kept saying it's not fair. I felt my Faith slipping away. I got home and I just felt numb. My heart just hurt. I wondered how I could keep doing this. One disappointment after another was happening. The wise thing would to get down on my knees and pray; I get so much comfort from that. In a way I felt betrayed and didn't want to pray.
               One of my friends who has always been there through everything with me text me or called me and said something that made me really think. What if I needed a break from all these medicines. I had been taking my metformin for forever. What if my body just needed a break from it all. Thinking about that changed everything. Instead of a disappointment I looked at this as a blessing.  I got down on my knees and thanked my Heavenly Father for yet another lesson to learn and grow from.
               When Corey got home we talked about it all. While he was disappointed and hurt like me; we both knew we needed a break. So we decided no more baby talk. We would take this month to recharge and enjoy being with family. My sisters and their kiddos were coming so we had planned so many fun things. Which made this another blessing, because I wasn't always sick from the medicine and could enjoy them! So maybe that is why things were happening as well. Maybe Heavenly Father knew this was the only way to truly enjoy being with the kiddos. Being off all my crazy hormonal medicines. I just needed to have Faith in his timing and that he knew more then I did. He truly saw the bigger picture, and for that I truly feel blessed.
               We have had the best time since they have been here. We had parties, went to the zoo, made gummy bears, cupcakes, gone to the mountains to make smores, gone shopping, Gardner village, and even made them a homemade carnival. We packed all this in and had so much fun!
Being with them has truly helped heal my sad and broken heart. Hearing them say I love you to the moon and back, and seeing their sweet smiles have made my heart feel full again. Children really are the best medicine.
              Now we are ready and recharged to try again. We have gotten the go ahead and my first injection was today. So here we go again. This time my perspective has changed a little. I am seeing the setbacks as blessings now. I take each positive victory and hold tight to it. I don't know if this will work, but I do know I will be a mother. I know this promise from Heavenly Father has been given to me. I know this heartache has given me strength and faith I never knew I had. I also know that my Heavenly Father loves me and only wants what's best for me. His plan for me is greater than my own. He has a beautiful plan for me and can see what I can't. So I will be a mom, I just don't know when. So we will leave it all in his hands. Their is a great comfort in knowing you have done all you can do, and he will take over the rest.
             Thank you everyone for your strength, love, prayers, and support. We honestly couldn't do this without you. Your comforting words and love help us move forward. Your prayers are felt and we feel so blessed to have such an amazing support system. Please keep us in your prayers this is a big week for us. We love you all so much!

He never said it would be easy, he just said it would be worth it!

             

He never said it would be easy, he only said it would be worth it!

                           These last couple of weeks have not been easy. In fact they have been extremely hard. I want to keep it real and always remember everything I have learned. Let me take you back to that Friday, when my Faith was tested

                            I woke up at 5:00 a.m. and got my injection and said a quick prayer before I started. I quickly got the injection ready and gave myself the shot. It hurt a little, but sometimes you do what you've got to do! I went to work, and kept praying that this shot would work. The shot is to help the eggs grow faster.

                           After work my mom was there waiting to take me to my appointment Corey had to work, so I have been grateful that my mom can come with me. I prayed in the bathroom of the center and felt ready for the ultrasound. I was waiting to hear the good news that my eggs were ready, and it was time to schedule the IUI. That news never came. The egg follicle was on the left side, the side where I had no tube. I got instructions from the nurse that maybe this would happen naturally that the egg could float over and the right tube could pick it up, but it was such a hard pill to swallow. I felt my body had failed me again; I smiled and held a brave face while the nurse told me the instructions. I held it all in until we left the building. I looked over at my mom with the tears starting to trickle out of my eyes. Then it was if a dam was bursting and I let it all out I cried my heart out. My heart felt broken and lost. My mom was so supportive and just let me cry, she listened to me relay my feelings and sob. It's not fair, kept coming out of my mouth, how could this be. I was supposed to be my right side this time; I skipped a month of treatment, because this was supposed to be the right month. My mom kept whispering honey its ok, don't give up. It wasn't ok though, I was hurt broken and felt so broken.

                          She dropped me off and I cried for what seemed like forever. I tried to call my sisters, but no one would answer. Then it dawned on me, I hadn't talked to my Heavenly Father yet. I quickly sunk to my knees and let the tears flow. My heart was broken I felt I wanted to give up, my hope was fading fast I poured out my heart to him. I let him know all the hurt and heartache I was feeling. I wanted peace and faith to keep going. I needed to have hope again. I felt so emotionally drained and tired. I wanted to give up, so the pain would just go away. Then it felt like a warm hug was surrounding me, peace was entering my heart. I knew my Heavenly Father was there, he was helping me through all this heartache and pain. I felt loving arms wrap around me, telling me it will be ok. I felt so loved in that moment, I knew everything would be ok in time. My tears kept flowing, but peace was starting to surround me. My Heavenly Father loves me. I felt his love and I thought what must he be feeling seeing one of his children so sad, so ready to give up. I knew it was hard on him as well. How he must feel when anyone is struggling or in pain. That must be so hard to bare for him. I know he loves each of us unconditionally. He hurts when we hurt; he feels all our emotions of happiness, pain and sorrow. Just like a father would. He loves us, never ever forget that. He hears you, and he will never leave you comfortless.

                        After my prayer my hope was becoming restored. I knew his promises were still true. He answered my prayers, but not the way I expected. Every time after the prayer he sent angels in the forms of my sisters and friends sending me messages of hope telling me I was strong and not to give up. They meant so much to me and gave me so much strength. My heart was becoming full with peace and love. I knew I wasn't alone, that I would always have people there for me. To love me, pray for me, and just support me. Corey came home and I told him what happened. He was supporting and loving and comforted me the best way, by making me laugh. He always knows how to make me smile, and I feel so incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful man by my side. He is always there to make me smile and he knows what I need. He is my rock and I am so grateful that Heavenly Father blessed me with such an amazing husband.

                         It has been a week now since that dreaded day. My dad gave me a beautiful blessing full of peace, love and hope. I am a slow learner, but I am learning to trust my Heavenly Father. It is one thing to say you trust him, but another thing to actually do it. So I am left with a choice, do I keep letting this eat at me, worry me, and make me fall apart, or do I trust in someone who can help me through it all. Heavenly Father has a beautiful plan for my life. He brings me peace instead of fear, faith instead of worry, and he loves me unconditionally. I want to be me again. I want to write, read, craft, and do all the fun things I love. I don't want to be sad, fearful and feel so alone. So I am going to do just that. I am going to write, read, craft, and just be me. I am going to be there for others, and be the person my Heavenly Father knows I can be. I am going to leave all the heartache, fear, and hurt in his hands. He has asked us to let him take our burdens, and this time I am going to do it. I am going to trust in my loving Heavenly Father with my full heart, and know his blessings are true and so real. I need to accept that Corey and I have done all we can, and leave the rest to the Lord. It's not about giving up, it's about letting God take over.

                         Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Your love, support, messages, texts, phone calls, and prayers help me so much. They truly are felt and keep me strong. Your love means so much to me, I am so incredibly grateful for all of you. You bring me hope and are true answers to my prayers. I feel so blessed to have such an amazing support system. I love you all and could not be more blessed to have you in my life Thank you for letting me share my story and supporting us on this journey. I am not giving up my hope to be a mother. I believe with all my heart that it will happen when the time is right, but for now I am letting someone else take control. He never said it would be easy, he only said it would be worth it. Remember what comes after the storms, a beautiful rainbow.


Moses 6:34

34 Behold my Spirit is upon you, wherefore all thy words will I justify; and the mountains shall flee before you, and the rivers shall turn from their course; and thou shalt abide in me, and I in you; therefore walk with me.

Prayers and Peace

                              

                            This isn't exactly the update I was hoping to write. Of course I was hoping to have great, amazing, wonderful news, but that isn't the case. 

                            As I approach this crazy week, I wanted to reflect on my feelings of the last round. It was such an emotional month full of unknowns. I have to give my self medicine injections.  If you know me, you know I am terrified of needles. So the thought of giving myself shots scared me to death. I remember waking up at 5:30 getting ready to give myself the shot. My hands were shaking and I was terrified. I quickly set up all the medicine and got my ice ready. Then I went one two three and it was done. That wasn't so bad I thought. I went to my appointment to find out if the eggs were grown, and they weren't. I remember worrying they wouldn't ever grow, I was so scared. I prayed my heart out that weekend, and by the next appointment they had grown. I was so happy, I was hoping this was a sign and everything would work out. That night I was supposed to give myself another shot. This time I thought I was ready, but I was so nervous I forgot . I called my mom in a panic. She calmed me down and told me she would be over to help. These things are on such a timeline I got so worried that I was past my time. I called my sister Allie, and she guided me through each step. I finally got the medicine in and called my mom back. She stayed on the phone with me until I had given myself the shot. I am so grateful for my mom and sister, they took the time to help and comfort me when I needed it most.
                                The IUI was scheduled on Wednesday, I was so nervous. It was such a crazy day it was snowing outside, what a beginning to the day. We got down to Pleasant Grove and I had the procedure. They told us it would be 2 weeks, and we go back to get a blood test.
                                Two weeks came and I woke up excited. I was hoping with all my heart that the test would be positive, I thought for sure. It was around noon when they called us back with the results. We were at the car wash of all places. She said I am sorry, but the test was negative. I remember feeling numb, but just saying ok thank you. I tried to act so strong, but my heart was breaking. I called my sister Julie to let her know that I wasn't pregnant. Then the tears came, they poured down my cheek. I was heartbroken and so sad. It was such a hard moment, and my sister just let me cry. She even cried with me a little bit. It was so hard to stop the tears. My heart felt a little empty,an d I just wanted it so bad. My heart hurt so bad that day, but I wanted to be strong. I guess sometimes we can't always be strong. Sometimes we just have to cry.  Later that day I got down on my knees and just opened up my whole heart to Heavenly Father. I told him that my heart was broken, that I was so sad, and that all I wanted to be was a mother. As the tears continued to pour down my cheeks, I started to feel some peace. I pictured my Heavenly Father weeping right beside me. I truly felt his loving arms around me, and his pure love for me. At that moment I knew I would never be alone. That no matter what my Heavenly father was there for me, and would bless me.
                               So here we enter into the next month of unknowns. I got to be honest even though I have been through this before, I am still scared. This month I have to give myself two injections, but I know I can do this. I know that my Heavenly Father will be there with me through this, as well as my husband and family. I don't feel alone. I have learned so much through this trial. I have learned how much love and support I truly have, it has strenghthened my faith, and I truly know that my Heavenly Father loves me. I feel his love and I know he is always there. This round I am going to pray more for peace in his plan for me. I am still learning the whole patience and putting it in Heavenly Father's hands, it is so much easier said then done. I am going to try my hardest to do it. Please keep us in your prayers this week. I truly believe in the power of prayer, and we could really use it this week. My heart is full and I am working on feeling peace. One thing is for sure I know that no matter what happens, Heavenly Father keeps his promises. He fulfills them in his time not ours. Thank you everyone for your love, support and prayers. We truly feel it, and feel so blessed.


I Dream of you

 At night I see you in my dreams...
You have the sweetest little face
Your little fingers hold onto mine
My heart begins to slowly melt,
being in that happy place
You look into my eyes, you already
hold a piece of my heart.
I hold you in my loving arms, I rock
you fast asleep. My eyes fill up
with tears. They land softly on your
cheek.
My heart is full of love for you my
precious little one. I trust with all
my heart, that when the time is
right you will finally come.
For right now your in Heaven,
learning all you need to know.
Heavenly Father has a plan for us,
he'll send you when it's your time
to go.
So I will hold you in my
dreams for now my precious
child.
Know that you are already
loved and wanted more then you
know.
We can't wait for you to finally be
here so we can watch you learn and
grow.
By Amie Aycock

My Jorney and what I am learning!

                        So I have had a lot of people ask how things went on Wednesday, so I decided to write a recap of this last month. I wanted to document this journey not only to help others along the way, but to remind us of it is well. We have and are still learning so much from this journey. We want to thank everyone once again for supporting, loving, and praying for us. Without your love and support we couldn't get through this.


                        Round 2: Last month we were not able to do the IUI. The medicine worked and everything, just on the wrong side. So here we are now in the middle of round 2. Each round is very precise and has it's own calendar. It always consists of  ultrasounds, medicines, and injections.

                       The first ultrasound checks everything to give us the go ahead to move forward. Then comes the worst part for me anyway, the bravelle injection shot. For those of you who know me, know that I am deathly afraid of needles, so boy have I learned through this. My mom had given it to me last month, but she was away in Oklahoma. So it was all up to me.

                         I woke up at 5:30 that morning and prepared for battle. I got the medicine all ready, numbed the heck out of my skin with ice and popped it in. I was actually so proud of myself, I had actually done it. That was huge for me, I was just glad it was over. That injection definitely isn't my favorite it makes me ache, hungry, moody, and just plain hurts. So I went to work prepared with my rice packs I had frozen. Those helped out.

                        The next day comes the ultrasound where they check the follicles to see if the eggs are growing. Unfortunately it hadn't grown enough so another ultrasound was scheduled the next Monday. I was sad, and almost lost hope. Then I felt a voice telling me to have Faith, that all was not lost.  Monday came and I remember praying extra hard and asking my friends and family for prayers. I know how strong the power of prayers are, and I needed all the strength I could get. I said a little prayer before the nurse came in to do the ultrasound. Then is when we got the much anticipated news, we had a follicle that had grown big enough, and we could move forward to the IUI. Words can't express the gratitude and love I felt for my Heavenly Father for getting us to that point. I felt so incredibly loved and knew that he was with me along this journey. I was also so grateful to everyone for their prayers and support. Heavenly Father was placed so many wonderful and amazing people in our lives that have always been there for us. My heart felt so full and my faith was strengthened.

                       I was told I needed to give myself an HCG shot that releases the eggs. I was told this needed to happen at 9:00 p.m. I was nervous, scared, but ready to take on this new challenge. Before it was time I said a quick prayer and went to preparing for the injection. I learned a very valuable lesson with this one though. I started to do the injection just like the lady showed me, when all the sudden I couldn't get the fluid into the syringe, so I completely panicked. I called my mom in a complete panic, and she offered to come over and help me. Right then I learned that if there is something Satan doesn't want to happen, he will do anything to stop it. He was there making me doubt myself, panic, and worry. It wasn't until I took a step back and realized what was going on that I could hear the Holy Ghost whisper and tell me what to do. I needed to have faith and believe in myself and know that I could do this. I calmed myself down and called my sister Allie. She walked me through and I was able to get the fluid into the syringe. I then called my mom to let her know I had figured it out, and she stayed on the phone with me until I had given myself the shot. Her love support and reassurance that I could do it helped me accomplish it. I am so incredibly grateful and blessed to have her.

                      Wednesday was the big day. I remember waking up with so much excitement, nervousness and pure joy that this could finally happen. Corey and I made the drive down to Pleasant Grove for the procedure. I remember it was snowing pretty hard and I prayed for the Lord to help me remember how to get back to the center, because we had gone to breakfast before and didn't know how to get back there. We aren't very familiar to Pleasant Grove, so I was a little worried. We went down a couple of roads I was guided to go down, and sure enough we found it again. I knew that it was my Heavenly Father that guided us back to where we needed to be. I said a little prayer before the procedure began letting my Heavenly Father know that I was leaving this in his hands, and that if it be his will that this would work. The procedure went well, and now we are left to wait until the 29th of April to find out if it worked.

                    I honestly don't know if this will work, but I have Faith that whatever is supposed to happen will. Heavenly Father has made me promises and I know they will happen, but in his time not mine. I know that through it all he has been right by my side. He has wiped away my tears, calmed my fears, strengthened my Faith, and helped my heart to grow. I know he is there, I know he loves me, and I know with all my heart that he is my father. My faith has grown so much during this trial, and I know that I was meant to have it. The Lord works in mysterious ways, but he always knows what's best for us. I have learned to trust him with all my heart. This trial has only strengthened my testimony that he lives, that he loves me, and that his son, my Savior Jesus Christ has experienced everything I am going through. whether big or small. I know that one day I will be a mom, and I can't wait for that day. I have had many blessing given to me through out this, and I have truly felt the power of the priesthood. I feel so very blessed and grateful to have it in my life. One thing is always so constant in every blessing and that is that he loves me and that he hears my prayers. What amazing words of comfort, faith, hope and love. I am his daughter and he knows the desires of my heart. This knowledge gives me so much comfort and helps me through each day. I am so grateful for the strength and courage he has given me through all of this. I know that this trial is not yet over, but I also know that with his help I can get through anything. We are leaving this in our Heavenly Father's hands, what better place for it to be in. If I could help anyone going through this I would tell them this never ever give up, keep going, and keep the hope alive in your heart no matter what. Also have Faith in your Heavenly Father and trust in his plan for you. Always remember that with him by your side you can get through anything. Thank you all for being on this journey with us. Thank you for your love, prayers and support. We feel every single one of them. Our hearts are full of love and appreciation to you all!