So yesterday I had the feeling that I needed to post about the thoughts that are rolling around in my head. So here it goes. I have felt the Spirit so strong lately, and it brings my heart so much peace and joy. I am not going to go into detail about some of the things I have heard or felt, but just know God loves us and is involved in every detail of our lives.
I was driving to church yesterday when all of the sudden a light bulb went off in my head. An answer to a prayer that I have been searching for what seems like forever. Why do I have to deal with infertility? This has been one of the hardest challenges in my life, so why me Heavenly Father? It was yesterday driving to church that I received what I think is the answer to that burning question. I know you can handle it, you fight and never give up for all those you love or what you want. In that very moment a peaceful feeling came over me, and tears rolled down my cheeks. God wasn't punishing me, I have done nothing wrong. In fact I look at it, as he has so much Faith in me that he knows I will make it through this! For along time I have been somewhat angry with him, but those feelings of sadness and anger went away in that very moment. I have a whole new perspective on why this is happening to me.
So what now? Since Heavenly Father has given me this trial with confidence knowing I will never in fact give up, I am going to make him proud. I won't give up on my dreams of being a mother, I will learn what I need to learn through this trial, and in the end I will come out a better person. For I know I am a daughter of God! He loves me, he is involved in every detail of my life and through him I will be blessed. When I don't know, but I know that God always keeps his promises. Nothing is impossible through Faith, Hope, and Love.
Right now I am learning and growing so much through the things he has taught me through the Holy Ghost. I feel through this trial I have learned to have more of a Father daughter relationship with him then I have ever had before. When I pray I feel him listening intently to my heart and soul. I hear his words to have peace, patience, and faith. This warms my heart like never before. He knows I want to be a mother, he knows the desires of my heart, and he is working behind the scenes to make his promise fulfilled to me. What an amazing blessing we have to talk to our Father in Heaven. He is always there for us. He loves us, and wants to protect us. He wants us to have the righteous desires of our hearts. So during those times of pain and struggles, remember this one thing. God loves you with all of his heart. When you truly believe that it will change your heart, it will cause you to have the trust and faith in him you need. Your heart will be changed forever, and you will realize he doesn't give you struggles to hurt you, but to help strengthen you. He has so much Faith in us, and knows we can get through it with his help.
I am still learning, and growing through this trial. My heart is full of gratitude to my Heavenly Father for trusting in me, and having Faith that I can make it. There will still be hard days, there will still be sadness, but I know that through God's never ending love I can do this! I am a daughter of God, and with his help miracles do happen!
