He never said it would be easy, he only said it would be worth it!

                           These last couple of weeks have not been easy. In fact they have been extremely hard. I want to keep it real and always remember everything I have learned. Let me take you back to that Friday, when my Faith was tested

                            I woke up at 5:00 a.m. and got my injection and said a quick prayer before I started. I quickly got the injection ready and gave myself the shot. It hurt a little, but sometimes you do what you've got to do! I went to work, and kept praying that this shot would work. The shot is to help the eggs grow faster.

                           After work my mom was there waiting to take me to my appointment Corey had to work, so I have been grateful that my mom can come with me. I prayed in the bathroom of the center and felt ready for the ultrasound. I was waiting to hear the good news that my eggs were ready, and it was time to schedule the IUI. That news never came. The egg follicle was on the left side, the side where I had no tube. I got instructions from the nurse that maybe this would happen naturally that the egg could float over and the right tube could pick it up, but it was such a hard pill to swallow. I felt my body had failed me again; I smiled and held a brave face while the nurse told me the instructions. I held it all in until we left the building. I looked over at my mom with the tears starting to trickle out of my eyes. Then it was if a dam was bursting and I let it all out I cried my heart out. My heart felt broken and lost. My mom was so supportive and just let me cry, she listened to me relay my feelings and sob. It's not fair, kept coming out of my mouth, how could this be. I was supposed to be my right side this time; I skipped a month of treatment, because this was supposed to be the right month. My mom kept whispering honey its ok, don't give up. It wasn't ok though, I was hurt broken and felt so broken.

                          She dropped me off and I cried for what seemed like forever. I tried to call my sisters, but no one would answer. Then it dawned on me, I hadn't talked to my Heavenly Father yet. I quickly sunk to my knees and let the tears flow. My heart was broken I felt I wanted to give up, my hope was fading fast I poured out my heart to him. I let him know all the hurt and heartache I was feeling. I wanted peace and faith to keep going. I needed to have hope again. I felt so emotionally drained and tired. I wanted to give up, so the pain would just go away. Then it felt like a warm hug was surrounding me, peace was entering my heart. I knew my Heavenly Father was there, he was helping me through all this heartache and pain. I felt loving arms wrap around me, telling me it will be ok. I felt so loved in that moment, I knew everything would be ok in time. My tears kept flowing, but peace was starting to surround me. My Heavenly Father loves me. I felt his love and I thought what must he be feeling seeing one of his children so sad, so ready to give up. I knew it was hard on him as well. How he must feel when anyone is struggling or in pain. That must be so hard to bare for him. I know he loves each of us unconditionally. He hurts when we hurt; he feels all our emotions of happiness, pain and sorrow. Just like a father would. He loves us, never ever forget that. He hears you, and he will never leave you comfortless.

                        After my prayer my hope was becoming restored. I knew his promises were still true. He answered my prayers, but not the way I expected. Every time after the prayer he sent angels in the forms of my sisters and friends sending me messages of hope telling me I was strong and not to give up. They meant so much to me and gave me so much strength. My heart was becoming full with peace and love. I knew I wasn't alone, that I would always have people there for me. To love me, pray for me, and just support me. Corey came home and I told him what happened. He was supporting and loving and comforted me the best way, by making me laugh. He always knows how to make me smile, and I feel so incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful man by my side. He is always there to make me smile and he knows what I need. He is my rock and I am so grateful that Heavenly Father blessed me with such an amazing husband.

                         It has been a week now since that dreaded day. My dad gave me a beautiful blessing full of peace, love and hope. I am a slow learner, but I am learning to trust my Heavenly Father. It is one thing to say you trust him, but another thing to actually do it. So I am left with a choice, do I keep letting this eat at me, worry me, and make me fall apart, or do I trust in someone who can help me through it all. Heavenly Father has a beautiful plan for my life. He brings me peace instead of fear, faith instead of worry, and he loves me unconditionally. I want to be me again. I want to write, read, craft, and do all the fun things I love. I don't want to be sad, fearful and feel so alone. So I am going to do just that. I am going to write, read, craft, and just be me. I am going to be there for others, and be the person my Heavenly Father knows I can be. I am going to leave all the heartache, fear, and hurt in his hands. He has asked us to let him take our burdens, and this time I am going to do it. I am going to trust in my loving Heavenly Father with my full heart, and know his blessings are true and so real. I need to accept that Corey and I have done all we can, and leave the rest to the Lord. It's not about giving up, it's about letting God take over.

                         Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Your love, support, messages, texts, phone calls, and prayers help me so much. They truly are felt and keep me strong. Your love means so much to me, I am so incredibly grateful for all of you. You bring me hope and are true answers to my prayers. I feel so blessed to have such an amazing support system. I love you all and could not be more blessed to have you in my life Thank you for letting me share my story and supporting us on this journey. I am not giving up my hope to be a mother. I believe with all my heart that it will happen when the time is right, but for now I am letting someone else take control. He never said it would be easy, he only said it would be worth it. Remember what comes after the storms, a beautiful rainbow.


Moses 6:34

34 Behold my Spirit is upon you, wherefore all thy words will I justify; and the mountains shall flee before you, and the rivers shall turn from their course; and thou shalt abide in me, and I in you; therefore walk with me.