Prayers and Peace

                              

                            This isn't exactly the update I was hoping to write. Of course I was hoping to have great, amazing, wonderful news, but that isn't the case. 

                            As I approach this crazy week, I wanted to reflect on my feelings of the last round. It was such an emotional month full of unknowns. I have to give my self medicine injections.  If you know me, you know I am terrified of needles. So the thought of giving myself shots scared me to death. I remember waking up at 5:30 getting ready to give myself the shot. My hands were shaking and I was terrified. I quickly set up all the medicine and got my ice ready. Then I went one two three and it was done. That wasn't so bad I thought. I went to my appointment to find out if the eggs were grown, and they weren't. I remember worrying they wouldn't ever grow, I was so scared. I prayed my heart out that weekend, and by the next appointment they had grown. I was so happy, I was hoping this was a sign and everything would work out. That night I was supposed to give myself another shot. This time I thought I was ready, but I was so nervous I forgot . I called my mom in a panic. She calmed me down and told me she would be over to help. These things are on such a timeline I got so worried that I was past my time. I called my sister Allie, and she guided me through each step. I finally got the medicine in and called my mom back. She stayed on the phone with me until I had given myself the shot. I am so grateful for my mom and sister, they took the time to help and comfort me when I needed it most.
                                The IUI was scheduled on Wednesday, I was so nervous. It was such a crazy day it was snowing outside, what a beginning to the day. We got down to Pleasant Grove and I had the procedure. They told us it would be 2 weeks, and we go back to get a blood test.
                                Two weeks came and I woke up excited. I was hoping with all my heart that the test would be positive, I thought for sure. It was around noon when they called us back with the results. We were at the car wash of all places. She said I am sorry, but the test was negative. I remember feeling numb, but just saying ok thank you. I tried to act so strong, but my heart was breaking. I called my sister Julie to let her know that I wasn't pregnant. Then the tears came, they poured down my cheek. I was heartbroken and so sad. It was such a hard moment, and my sister just let me cry. She even cried with me a little bit. It was so hard to stop the tears. My heart felt a little empty,an d I just wanted it so bad. My heart hurt so bad that day, but I wanted to be strong. I guess sometimes we can't always be strong. Sometimes we just have to cry.  Later that day I got down on my knees and just opened up my whole heart to Heavenly Father. I told him that my heart was broken, that I was so sad, and that all I wanted to be was a mother. As the tears continued to pour down my cheeks, I started to feel some peace. I pictured my Heavenly Father weeping right beside me. I truly felt his loving arms around me, and his pure love for me. At that moment I knew I would never be alone. That no matter what my Heavenly father was there for me, and would bless me.
                               So here we enter into the next month of unknowns. I got to be honest even though I have been through this before, I am still scared. This month I have to give myself two injections, but I know I can do this. I know that my Heavenly Father will be there with me through this, as well as my husband and family. I don't feel alone. I have learned so much through this trial. I have learned how much love and support I truly have, it has strenghthened my faith, and I truly know that my Heavenly Father loves me. I feel his love and I know he is always there. This round I am going to pray more for peace in his plan for me. I am still learning the whole patience and putting it in Heavenly Father's hands, it is so much easier said then done. I am going to try my hardest to do it. Please keep us in your prayers this week. I truly believe in the power of prayer, and we could really use it this week. My heart is full and I am working on feeling peace. One thing is for sure I know that no matter what happens, Heavenly Father keeps his promises. He fulfills them in his time not ours. Thank you everyone for your love, support and prayers. We truly feel it, and feel so blessed.


I Dream of you

 At night I see you in my dreams...
You have the sweetest little face
Your little fingers hold onto mine
My heart begins to slowly melt,
being in that happy place
You look into my eyes, you already
hold a piece of my heart.
I hold you in my loving arms, I rock
you fast asleep. My eyes fill up
with tears. They land softly on your
cheek.
My heart is full of love for you my
precious little one. I trust with all
my heart, that when the time is
right you will finally come.
For right now your in Heaven,
learning all you need to know.
Heavenly Father has a plan for us,
he'll send you when it's your time
to go.
So I will hold you in my
dreams for now my precious
child.
Know that you are already
loved and wanted more then you
know.
We can't wait for you to finally be
here so we can watch you learn and
grow.
By Amie Aycock